I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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