The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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