he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
