the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
