god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he puts the penis in happiness.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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