so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
