You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she told me i tasted like america
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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