What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
