and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
