Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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