People in love make me want to vomit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
