so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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