I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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