great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said her name was "party"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
