I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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