No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
