I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
