Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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