sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
