Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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