She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
