I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
