Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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