im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
