Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
