Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
