I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
