I heard we made out
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize