Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
