WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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