dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
