but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
