no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
