Where are you?
In a non slutty way
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize