Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
