People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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