she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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