My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
