I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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