Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
