Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
