Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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