that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize