I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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