If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize