I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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