Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
