I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize