Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
