come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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