Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
