maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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