i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
