he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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