she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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