I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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