i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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