i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
