Apparently you make a good broom.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
