the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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