Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
