She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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