He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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