I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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