Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
