At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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