I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
