at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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