...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
