I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
