So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
