Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
