p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
