I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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