my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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